Tag Archives: criticism

Strike a pose!

30 Mar

Image Source: http://professorqb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/ProfessorQB-Headshot-with-highlights1.jpg

I received an email from my company’s marketing team, telling me I needed to provide a headshot for the website. Some people might enjoy the thrill of a photo shoot, but I don’t.

Among other things, I’m never sure where to put my hands. Part of me wants to constantly give two cheesy thumbs-up to the photographer, just so they have something to do. Or make jazz hands.

Anyway, I submitted myself to the horror of headshots this week, and I shared the proofs with Alan after, hoping he would help me make a selection. Here’s how our conversation went…

Me: Will you let me know which of these is your favorite?

Alan: Whichever one you choose, you should use it for your LinkedIn photo.

Me: Why? Do you not like my current photo?

Alan: It could just stand to be updated.

Me: That was diplomatic. What don’t you like about it?

Alan: Well, it looks a bit clown-y.

Me (once I finished laughing): Could you be more specific?

Alan: The filter on it makes your lips look really bright and your eyes look crazy.

Me: Oh. Yeah, well, the plan is to use this for LinkedIn, too.

Alan: Good.

Me: So which one do you like?

Alan: Not the one in the jacket.

Me: Why not?

Alan: The jacket doesn’t fit you.

Me: Yes it does.

Alan: Well, I can’t really see where the jacket ends.

Me: So what?

Alan: So I can’t really see where YOU end. For all I know, that could be a velvet mumu.

Me: So it makes me look fat?

Alan (warming to the idea): I’m just saying, it could be a velvet sack.

Me: Thanks for your help.

Sigh.

 

 

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Mother Nature: *some* kind of magic.

12 Jul

This winter, as temperatures danced around below freezing, I kept proclaiming it was “colder than a witch’s titty!”

(Well, actually, I said “witch’s tit” and Alan corrected me, but you get the gist. In fact, I think this shows I can take feedback constructively, because I’ve used his wording. I’d like some gold stars for that. Alan, I’m looking at you. Gold stars. Pronto.)

Anyway, the mercury is now on the other end of the thermometer, pushing past 100 and trailing humidity to boot. You can’t even cross your legs in the shade without sweat pooling around your ankles in DC. Everyone I pass on the sidewalk looks like they’d hand over their first-born child if you could provide them with an air-conditioned gerbil ball to transport them to their destination.

(Note to self: patent air conditioned, human-sized gerbil ball tomorrow.)

I try to save energy by turning off my AC when I’m not home. As a result, there’s an uncomfortable lag when I arrive home every day, hot from my 1.5 mile walk, and my thermostat is registering 80.

(Side note: I would like to feel all cocky and Environmentally Correct about keeping my thermostat at 77, but I read that in Japan, businesses are keeping their office buildings cooled only to 82 to save energy this summer. Now go look at your thermostat — can you spare a degree?)

Anyway… last night, while waiting for the temperature to drop, I came up with a phrase that I believe perfectly captures how hot it is.

Out of curiosity, I did a few google searches to see if anyone else had coined it yet, and it seems to be an original. But I did find this article, which offers up some suggestions for capturing exactly how hot it is. Before I reveal my (soon to be catching) phrase, I’d like to highlight some of the more interesting suggestions from their list.

Here goes:

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